Mommy will you hold my hand?

I got a call on Thursday. Alex is sick, please come get him.

I raced home from work to pick up my poor boy who couldnt keep anything down. No food, no liquids. I held him tight and cleaned him up and said “Shhh. Mommy is here”. I held him and comforted him through his sickness and he buried his little face into me and held tight. Through the night we comforted him and gave out sips of Pedialyte and whispered to him about how much we love him. He was much better the next day.

On Saturday Alex’s new big boy bed was delivered. “Look at what a big boy you are now!” is what we told him as Dave disassembled the crib that has held him since birth. We placed his stuffed frogs and his bugga bugga and some books in the shelves of the bookcase headboard.

Monday night I was putting him to bed as we do, by giving him some milk and cuddling while we rock in the glider. I put Alex in his new big boy bed and he said “Mommy? Will you hold my hand?”. “Of course darling” was my reply and I held his hand as he fell asleep. On that night he woke every two hours. “Mommy? Will you hold my hand?”. “Of course I will” was always my reply and at 12 am I brought in my pillow and lay beside him and held his hand. I returned to our bed when he had fallen asleep only to be awakened shortly thereafter to “Mommy? Will you hold my hand?” and I would climb back into Alex’s new big boy bed and lay next to him and hold his hand. I finally just slept there right next to him, holding his hand.

We awoke at 5:30 as we usually do on a work day. Tired from lack of sleep in the night by Alex’s numerous wake ups and hand holding requests, you would think it would be frustrating to go to work on a day like that. And while I was very tired, I trudged on as I always do on a work day, sleep or no sleep, cup of coffee in hand.

And while those days are long, and the lack of sleep can take its toll, I will always get up with him if he needs me, my little non-sleeper. Because as hard as it is to continuously wake up in the night and be functional the next day… the hardest thing I could ever imagine.. harder than not sleeping a wink all night… will be the day he stops asking to hold my hand.